just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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