I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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