Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
