I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
