Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
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I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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