I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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