The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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