i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
