I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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