I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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