My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
