I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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