Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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