Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
