What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
