i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
