How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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