Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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