Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he puts the penis in happiness.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
