He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
