Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
