So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
