In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
