she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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