the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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