I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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