But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
