I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
