i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
