So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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