Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
