He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
