There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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