i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
