I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize