I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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