You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
