the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her