I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.