a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother