Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.