It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
