Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
