evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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