Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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