Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
