Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
