Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sobbing to NWA
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
