you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
