my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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