Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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