Even the bartender felt bad for me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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