he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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