She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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