There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize