He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
