paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
