Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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