he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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