Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
