my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
