i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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