Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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