My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
