You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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