i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
