I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
