i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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